Written by whatinthe world
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Topics: intelligence, apes

Sunday, 5 June 2011

image for Highly Intelligent Apes Discovered
Bolshy captured in a reflective mood

London, England. In breaking news scientists have discovered a colony of apes in a remote region of Zimbabwe, not previously sighted by human life.

The apes were decidedly cleverer than any other ape species and proved to be very adaptive to their environment. Scientists noted that they could build elaborate structures in which to dwell and cohabitate. Some even designed ways to process their food and distribute it among the other apes.

One particular ape stood out from the rest however. His name was Bolshy and he could speak fluent English. "Yeah, that's right, I can speak the Queen's English. So fucking what?" he was quoted as saying when scientists approached him. "You guys look extremely surprised but I'm not. I mean, you honestly haven't seen an ape converse so fluently? C'mon!!!" he continued.

Scientists asked Bolshy how he and his family came about but he proved to be very prickly in deed. "Hey, I'm not giving away secrets today. Why don't you ask me about Obama's economic policy?"

So they did. What does he think Obama should do? "Reduce interest rates and implement supply-side policies to stimulate consumer spending" Bolshy proclaimed. Scientists persuaded Bolshy to travel with them back to Harare. It is believed that he wants to run for the American presidency in 2012.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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