Written by Neil Levine
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Tuesday, 1 November 2005

image for President Bush Wants To Ban Storms Of Controversy
The Next Political Brouhaha Of The Century

The White House---President George W. Bush is planning to ask Congress to outlaw hurricanes and other types of potent, violent, intimidating storms as "public nuisances."

"As everyone knows, Katrina and Rita were very destructive and left devastation, havoc and unremitting woes in their aftermath. That is not a good message to send to the American people."

"We don't need that sort of atmosphere in the United States. It is not conducive to progressive economic relations. It does not make nice neighborhoods. What we really need is fair weather and happiness above all. ‘Let the good times roll,' as they say."

"I am hereby proposing that henceforth and for all time in the future that we, the people, and this government ban hurricanes, tornadoes, twisters and annoying storms as unnecessary health risks and natural disgraces. This will make it possible for America to live in peace and quiet for a long time to come."

"What we intend to do is make life difficult for all types of inclement weather to create trouble in public at any time of the day or night by restricting their arrival and departure to unpopulated continental areas where they can have their way and run amok as much as they want, with no federal or international restrictions of any sort on them or their aftermaths so long as they do not annoy anyone capable of filing a coherent federal complaint in an appropriate forum."

Despite his clearly good intentions, sad to say, the reaction from the Congress, the media and the public was mixed.

"I don't believe it is possible. Storms have a will of their own. They come and go any time they want to with or without written permission," said Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist.

House Speaker Hastert issued a press release to wit, "Personally, I believe in a good fight."

"It will never happen," complained Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid. "In the best of times, the weather has a natural tendency to be disagreeable, unpredictable and contrary for the sake of contrariness just to keep from boring the bejabbers out of people.

The general public was too dumbfounded to comment, but a man in the street was quoted as saying, "I'll believe it when the cows come home to root and only time will tell."

Former Speaker Newt Gingrich shouted, "I'm out of here. Been there. Donuts?"

And the Congress reassembled to debate other great issues of our time.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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