ANTHROPOLOGY TODAY: The recent discovery of the fossified remains of what anthropologists believe to be the missing link in the evolutionary process of homo sapiens, was revealed today by none other than Dr. Viscount Billingsgate.
While visiting his summer home in the Galapagos Islands, from where Sir Charles Darwin once studied isolated specimans found nowhere else in the world, Billingsgate stumbled across the preserved, frozen-in-time, carcass of a "human like creature engaged in sex with a large hummingbird the size of a fully grown whooping crane".
The usually circumspect holder of a dozen Doctorates could hardly believe his eyes. Calling upon his mentor, Dr. Cleotus J. Earlbeck, for guidance, the two of them sat in a cave for weeks watching a Giant Tortoise thrashing on his back, kicking his legs, all the time mumbling tortoise mumbo-jumbo. All this time, the same question kept coming up; how could have the newly discovered specimans mated?
Dr. Earlbeck, a man not given to wordy explanations, finally noting his colleague's puzzlement, uttered the answer to the question by asking Dr. Billingsgate this provocative question: "Why can't this tortoise gain traction"?
Holy bat guano! The only answer that made any sense: HOVERING