Written by Ellie James
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Topics: Research, Dolphin

Thursday, 12 May 2011

image for Scientists Develop a Bilingual Dolphin Communication Device
Francisco, a bilingual dolphin

Costa Rica - Two scientists have developed a device that will finally allow us to decipher and communicate with dolphins. Dr. Federico Barrera and Dr. Augustin Sanches-Guerrero developed the dolphin translator two summers ago. It has taken two years in order for them to perfect the bilingual component. "We think the fact that we will be catering to the Spanish speaking global community will give us a huge boost in credibility" states Dr. Barrera.

Biologists have known for decades that dolphins that swim around Spanish speaking countries have a different dolphin speak than other dolphins. The two got the idea while smoking pot and watching Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. (Star Trek: Espacio Profundo Nueve) "It also doesn't hurt that I have this really cool blue tooth thing sticking out of my ear all the time," says Sanches-Guerrero.

In order for the communication device to work, divers will place a communicator around the dolphin's neck. The device looks similar to a big, gold medallion worn by US rappers and kids from the hood. The medallion will produce a signal that will travel through the water and reach the new i-pod application created specifically for the communication device.

This technology will be available in marine parks everywhere in the coming years. Additionally, Barrera and Sanches-Guerrero plan on selling this technology to US border patrol as well as the FBI in order to help track communication between the Mexican drug cartels.

Neither the US Border Patrol FBI, nor the Mexican cartels were available for comment. One informant for the cartel did state that if said device did work and would be used as tracking devices, the dolphin responsible as well as the scientists would most likely get mentioned in a narco-corrido written about them.

As the device was demonstrated, it was evident that it worked, and that the dolphins of Costa Rica do speak some sort of dolphin Spanish. When I heard click, click, EEEEEEEEEEEā€¦.click, EEEEEEEE it translated to: Mira a esa mujer caliente escribiendo en ese papel. Me gustaria nadar alrededor de ella. With the communication app, they were able to translate it as such: Look at this hot chick writing. I wouldn't mind swimming a few laps around her.

While I wouldn't want to get in the water with that particular dolphin, it is an impressive device.

Editor's note: A narco corrido is a ballad that glorifies the cartels and is a warning for their potential victims.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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