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Saturday, 7 May 2011

image for Secondary School Biology Experiment Leads to New Pathogen
Can You See That Yellowy-Green Stuff? Well, Goodbye. It's Nice Knowing You

COVENTRY, W. MIDS., ENG. - A local secondary school has caused the entire Coventry city area to be put on lockdown after a new mutation has caused a harmless bacteria to morph into a pathogen.

The pathogen classified as X/11-G, after the room (X) and class (11G) that had been instrumental at causing the outbreak.

The pathogen has been rapidly multiplying - within fifteen minutes, the pathogen had increased its biomass to 50kg, and had infected 12 students.

The pathogen can be airborne too, so watch out.

Coventry City Council have called for emergency level A, with Birmingham City Council and Solihull Metropolitan Borough Council blocking roads leading from or through Coventry.

However, to no avail. The first student taken to hospital has now died, as scientists decend on the school for analysis of the pathogen.

"We can safely say," said a spokesman, "that the pathogen is unsafe. Run. Just run."

Two hours after the outbreak, residents saw a 'wall of green' rise from the school and spread across the skies.

Those residents are in a critical condition.

Cartographers say that the entire West Midlands could be overrun by the next 24 hours, with X/11-G entering London in the next two hours.

People are told to turn down the building's temperature to 20 C to slow the rate of the pathogen's multiplication, and to close all windows, seal all cracks, and constantly spray the building and occupants in case one gets ill.

Symptoms include red boils, compulsive lying, and a fever above 38 C. If the fever reaches 41 C, then immediately pray to any deity.

As of press time... oh shit my window's open. I feel a little warrmmmmmmmmnvb

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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