Written by Noddy Bigears
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Topics: Space, Chinese

Friday, 14 October 2005

The larger Shenzhou VI was equipped with a secondary orbital module expected to be used to understand more about the endurance of Chinese dragons in space but in a freak accident involving flatulence, the secondary orbital module broke up allowing the already staving dragons to escape into space. The dragons were to have been fed on hot food prepared in space, ironically, they got their experimental hot food but from the international space station (ISS).


The dragon's flatulence should have been contained in China's patented high technology space toilet sealed microwavable container, it uses a large plastic hose and air pump to extract all dangerous waste including dragon flatulence. However, it appears due to a blow back entering the dragon, the apparatus caught fire and exploded separating the secondary module which then broke up luckily allowing the specially trained Chinese dragons to exercise their space training and fly in and out of orbit in graceful swirls puffing smoke rings.

Unfortunately, the swirling staving animals were to have been fed as part of a controlled scientific exercise involving the preparation of highly eatable hot Chinese takeaways in space, expected to push China ahead in the World fast food race for global domination against the greasy US hamburgers but regrettably for China and maybe even more so for the ISS Expedition 12 crew, US Commander Bill McArthur and Russian Flight Engineer Valery Tokarev, the Chinese takeaway involved the consumption of the 2 ISS astronauts ‘to be eaten in' space. It appears, the sniffing dragons spotted the gleaming ISS station from over half an orbit away, wretchedly, the robust joint venture international space station was no match for the Chinese dragons' teeth and claws and the astronauts including space suits became a small steamed Dim Sum starter for the three dragons called, Xe Ming-Jong, Win Ping-Ping and Mai Ying-Dong.

The state news agency had previously reported that sperm from selected pigs as well as chicken eggs would be stored on board but no mention had been made of the dragons nor their enormous appetite for lightly space radiation steam fried astronauts with crispy solar panels. Chinese astronauts, Nie and Fei are expected to conduct further experiments aboard the main module where they continue to eat and sleep in comfort. Xinhua News announced "the unfortunate loss of the international space station will not impede China's ambitions to be recognized as the World's future leader in takeaway space technology but made no mention and remained silent on the issue of the dragons' obvious preference for Russian or American food."

China's space technology centre located on the Gobi desert, has warned nomads and herdsman to watch out for the dragons' re-entry on Monday morning, when they are expected to return as trained to the relative comfort of a small smoking volcano for a feast of Chinese crackers and egg fried noodles. Chinese astronauts, Nie and Fei will orbit the earth 845 times whilst tasting and testing stir fry techniques as well as the gravity free viscosity in space of sweet and sour sauces with different levels of a new monosodium glutamate mix expected to allow not only the preparation of hot food in space for the first time but that can be eaten with chopsticks as well.

Nie and Fei are expected to be greeted as national heroes by thousands when they return next week by parachute to Peking square where they will be rewarded with the highest honor, the Red Noodles Monosodium Glutamate Dragon medal of the People's Republic of China.

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