Written by Gail Farrelly
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Tuesday, 26 April 2011

image for eBooks Heat Up; Fire Brigades Stand by for Action
Keep the kids away from hot ebooks!

Once upon a time, book censorship standards were strict, and authors had to watch their plots and their language. Not anymore. That's why the latest trend is the forthcoming publication of ebook "restored" versions of print works from the 50s and 60s.

These are uncensored versions, including ALL the original material from the author -- the good, the bad, and the ugly. The new ebooks are all-inclusive. Hot, sexy scenes that had been deleted? The more, the merrier. Profanity and explosive language? Why of course.

Book censors, grannies, and nuns aren't pleased. New information isn't always desirable, they say. For example, they don't think it's especially important or relevant for the world to be told that what Paul Revere actually shouted on his famous ride was "The $#%&^@* British are coming!"

On the other hand, many readers eagerly await the restored books. One reader cites this example: "I've always suspected that Santa Claus, exhausted by hours and hours of tedious travel, backbreaking work and dirty chimneys on Christmas Eve night, had a lot more to say than, And to all a good night. C'mon. He must have thrown in a few choice phrases. Why shouldn't we know about them -- and more?"

Those in the know advise that, for safety's sake, ereading devices such as Kindles and Nooks be stored in cool places at all times. And hot ebooks should be frequently hosed down. Smokey the Bear, a mascot of the U.S. Forest Service and an expert on fire prevention, has this advice to offer: "When reading a hot ebook, have a fire extinguisher and the telephone number of the local fire department at the ready."

In short, dear reader, enjoy the heat but keep your cool!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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