Written by Gary Potter
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Sunday, 24 April 2011

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Rumours are spreading around the science world following the 'leak' that the illusive so called Higgs boson, the 'God' particle, has been detected.

The Higgs boson is a theorised particle which 'Big Bangs' use to form universes. Supposedly.

Allegedly, following either nothing at all, or a super duper condensed atom which contains all the matter in our known universe explodes, this particle helps make a universe by aiding the formation of mass. It is not know whether this is via a 1 dimensional straight line explosion as never witnessed anywhere ever as was reported recently, or a more conventional messy destructive explosion.

Following the explosion, which conveniently produces all the known laws of physics as a happy bonus (?), the Higgs boson, sets to work.

Even if this marvellous particle is ever found, the mystery of how the natural laws under which it operates will be illusive.

The news is supposed to have been 'leaked' from CERN home of the 9 billion dollar white elephant Large Hadron Collider.

Although other scientists at CERN are urging caution until an official announcement is made, the more cynical members of the public can't help but be amazed that such an announcement is 'leaked' during one of the worlds sacred periods.

Clever scientists have already got an alternative explanation in the pipeline, just in case no Higgs bosons are found from the collider.

Higgsless models will be the next big news item if the Higgs boson theory is exposed as the cobblers many scientists already claim it to be, without podding out 9 billion.

[Reporters note: When this hoax is eventually acknowledged and no particle is verified, don't expect to hear of it in the mainstream media. Although science is 'self correcting', it likes to do the correcting bit discretely. GP]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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