Written by Honey West
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Topics: Women, Genetics, satire

Friday, 22 April 2011

image for Researchers Say: 99% Of Females Lack The Satire Gene
Females Lacking Satire Gene Mainly Think About Shoes

Rochester, Minnesota: In a study from the famed Institute For Gender Brain Analysis, a sample of over 500,000 women proves that they lack the MP3 gene. Known in genetic research circles as the "Monty Python" genetic marker, science finally has the answer as to why women nearly always choose to watch chick flicks, preferably ones that make them cry profusely, or go shopping for shoes and pricey jewelry instead of watching or reading anything satirical.

While there is an unusual, deviant 1% of the female population who carries the Monty Python gene, they are so rare that most men have never found one in the human population. Females with the mutation are usually shunned by other females who are unable to "bond" effectively with them.

Women lacking the gene typically display an extremely grumpy, pre-menstrual attitude when confronted with satire. They don't "get" the joke, thinking it is aimed at them or one of their nice girlfriends. They often view such humor as "cruel" or "just plain stupid and not funny."

At times, the satire-deficient female will fly into a sudden tantrum of rage. Bystanders are advised to be cautious. Comedy clubs are dangerous public areas for these females, and should be avoided at all costs. Males who are stupid enough to take their girlfriend or wife to such places are in for a long, lonely night. Generally, however, the gene deficient woman will simply fall asleep with her head on the table or spend the entire evening texting her friends about shoes and jewelry.

Some of these women attempt to "cover" for their genetic lack by "playing along with the gag" long enough to secure a marriage proposal or at the very least a blowout vacation with all expenses paid in Cancun, Mexico.

Jonathan Marquardt, chief researcher at the Institute, has only pity for these females and even more for the men who are doomed to spend eternity hooked up with these dense broads. "As a man of medicine, I must remain compassionate. But it sure as hell bugs me."

The ultimate goal of the Institute is to perform gene therapy on girls at birth, injecting them with a good, hefty dose of Monty Python. Of course, that will increase the number of female comedians coming into the world and male comics will have to "up" their game to compete, but Dr. Marquardt is confident they can do so.

He predicts that even if the therapy doesn't work perfectly, such women may begin to chuckle a bit at testosterone laden shows such as Two And A Half Men and possibly even begin to see the humor in Charlie Sheen. That, at least, would be progress.

If the experiment goes horribly wrong, women will laugh hilariously at The Three Stooges and Benny Hill which he says, "would be a disaster for the human race."

"Yes, we're playing satire God, but that's what science is all about."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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