The Discovery Institute, the secret headquarters of James Bond's biggest foe, Intelligent Design, has revealed that the designer in their theory is Chuck Norris.
William Behe, the evil genius mastermind behind Intelligent Design, believes he is the perfect person to represent everything the Discovery Institute stands for.
"He is perfect," said Behe. "Because he embodies what we stand for, as he shows that there is no evolution, only animals Chuck Norris allows to live. He has also disproved the laws of thermodynamics by destroying energy."
Furthermore, Chuck Norris explains the origins of some of the animals.
"Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin," said Behe. "And now we have giraffes. And when he pulled the ears and nose of a hippo, we got the elephant. He also disproves genetics, because all of his genes are dominant. All new species are created when Chuck Norris identifies a new niche that needs filling."
The revelation has got evolution scientists quaking in their cowboy boots, for they know that he has never lost an argument, as his statements are incisive and can cut through a hot knife like butter.
"I'm quite worried," said Richard Dawkins. "Obviously Chuck Norris knows where I live, and my life insurance premium has just gone up. I've filled in my organ donation card, if any of them are still whole. You know what they say: if you can't beat them...you're not Chuck Norris. I'm quitting this evolution game."
They were going to rename the Design Institute Plaza after Chuck Norris, until they realised that nobody would be able to cross Chuck Norris and live, so they risked his wrath and left it well alone.
"Mr Norris has agreed to help us on a number of fronts," said Behe. "His first move will be to remove his cardigan. Once the world knows he's warm enough, global warming will stop. He admitted that, although the Grand Canyon looks pretty old, it's the scar left from his re-entry after ensuring that there was no life anywhere else in the universe."