Written by Gary Potter
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Saturday, 16 April 2011

image for 80% of Universe still missing
80% of universe successfully hiding from quacks

'Scientists' at UCLA have drawn a blank in a recent search for 'Dark Matter'

This fabled form of matter is invisable, but said to exist by crazed scientists. They claim that the universe is composed of a whopping 80% dark matter, yet the latest search has failed to find any. Not a sausage.

Dark matter was invented by cosmologists to fudge the figures and attempt to explain how the universe works, after the Big bang created it from nothing at all. Like evolutions missing links, they and it are still very much missing.

The disappointing news was revealed on April 14th at Gran Sasso Na­t­ional Lab­o­r­a­to­ry in It­a­ly, where a huge 'dark matter' detector is housed 1.6 km beneath a mountain in Rome. Who paid for this white elephant is any bodies guess, but plans are already being made to build a better detector. Yes undaunted by the plain fact that no dark matter has been found, at all, even though 80% of the universe is supposedly meant to consist of it, the search goes on. It can't be that the dark matter doesn't exist, it must be that our detectors are incapable of detecting 80% of the universe.

"Lack of suc­cess in dark-mat­ter searches have fu­eled claims by some phys­i­cists that dark mat­ter does­n't ex­ist at all." Said one science journal. At least there seems to be a glimmer of hope somewhere then.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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