Written by Aspartame Boy

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Topics: Diet, Aspartame, Memory

Thursday, 14 April 2011

image for Scientist discovers that getting thinner improves memory
Aspartame counter-acted the benefits of weight loss

Melbourne, FL - According to Dr. Squirlman, going on a diet and losing 50 pounds improves memory. In a study of 100 middle-aged subjects, just concluded, preliminary review of the raw data shows that memory of the subjects improved tremendously.

Some of the things the subjects remembered after losing the weight:

  • How good doughnuts taste
  • What candy tastes like
  • What a chocolate milkshake tastes like
  • How much fun it is to eat a bag of chips
  • How refreshing it is to drink cold soda
  • What pancakes and maple syrup with butter taste like
  • Where they put those 'thin' pants

Twenty five of the subjects used aspartame in their diets. They were not able to remember anything. In fact, their brains stopped working.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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