Written by Aspartame Boy
Rating:
Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Diet, Aspartame, Memory

Thursday, 14 April 2011

image for Scientist discovers that getting thinner improves memory
Aspartame counter-acted the benefits of weight loss

Melbourne, FL - According to Dr. Squirlman, going on a diet and losing 50 pounds improves memory. In a study of 100 middle-aged subjects, just concluded, preliminary review of the raw data shows that memory of the subjects improved tremendously.

Some of the things the subjects remembered after losing the weight:

  • How good doughnuts taste
  • What candy tastes like
  • What a chocolate milkshake tastes like
  • How much fun it is to eat a bag of chips
  • How refreshing it is to drink cold soda
  • What pancakes and maple syrup with butter taste like
  • Where they put those 'thin' pants

Twenty five of the subjects used aspartame in their diets. They were not able to remember anything. In fact, their brains stopped working.

Make Aspartame Boy's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!


More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 3 plus 1?

9 22 4 14
66 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience on our website, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more