Written by Charpa93
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Friday, 1 April 2011

image for NanoChip Brain Implant Allows Users to Instantly Speak Foreign Language

The first-ever nano-chip language translators are rolling off the assembly line and into cosmetic surgeons' offices quicker than you can say "Se Habla Espanol?" No longer will it be necessary for those wishing to learn a second or even third language to go through the arduous process of weeks and weeks of studying tapes or attending language classes.

The product is called "Nano-Second Language" or NSL, and they are expected to sell out within weeks.

The makers of the NSL brain implant first developed the product under a grant by the United States Department of Defense as a solution to the problem servicemen and women were having when being shipped overseas to the Middle East.

"No one spoke Arabic which led to some serious misunderstandings between our military and that of the country our servicemen were stationed in," says Dr. Lewis Lipps, chief engineer on the NSL project.

"The NSL Arabic version will immediately resolve that issue and allow certain soldiers to communicate in countries such as Iraq, Afghanistan, even Libya with little to no problem," said Lipps.

Asked how the nano-chip brain implant works, Lipps explained, "The NSL Arabic version, for instance, has a complete Arabic alphabet and dictionary with over 20,000 common words which are electronically translatable from English literally within nanoseconds. In a simple outpatient procedure, the NSL chip is implanted into the corpus callosum portion of the left side, or the language center, of the brain and activated."

Dr. Lipps then showed illustrations of the procedure which is done through arthroscopic surgery.

"As soon as a soldier thinks out the phrase he wants to say," he continued, "he pushes a button that is also implanted discretely underneath the skin on the soldier's upper left side of the head."

Dr. Lipps explained that when the soldier goes to speak, it appears he is tapping his head as if he is thinking of what to say, and voila, his words come out of his mouth in the language he has implanted. In this case, Arabic.

Initial test results indicate a 97.6% success rate on the battlefield and the nano-chip is already being used by many servicemen and women today.

Now that the product has been tested and proven to be efficient in Arabic, a Mandarin Chinese model is being tested on businessmen from various industries who find it necessary to communicate in Chinese with their business counterparts in China.

The NSL Chinese version should be available to the business world within two to three months.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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