No wonder there aren't enough iPad 2s to go around. An unnamed Apple official, who has spoken to the press on the condition of anonymity, admits what had only been a rumor: that many of the new iPads are disgracing the company and are in no condition to be sold.
"They drink, carouse, and talk way too much," the official admitted. "We neglected to perfect the behavior gene before we released them into the wild."
In NYC, many iPad 2s, escaped from Apple warehouses and traveling in huge packs, have been spotted in Times Square, drinking beer and harassing tourists. Even worse, some of the brand-new iPads have been attending Broadway shows and snapping pictures -- a big no-no on Broadway. One of the human theatergoers complained, "It's distracting and annoying. And at a show like Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark, it's downright dangerous. Good grief, those poor actors are already having problems staying upright. Now they have to cope with THIS too?"
Even more upsetting to Apple officials are the reports that iPad 2s have parked themselves on the steps of the main branch of the New York Public Library, reading book after book on their Kindles. That's right -- their Kindles! Furthermore, they've been explaining to anyone who will listen that reading on the Amazon Kindle (with e-ink technology and without a backlit LCD screen) is much easier on the eyes than reading on an iPad. Go figure!
Sadly, an enterprising entrepreneur has already filmed some segments of a new reality show, "iPad 2s Gone Wild."
Ingrid, one of the old iPads and aunt to one of the new ones, reports that her sister has already had to bail her iPad 2 son out of jail when he was arrested for underage drinking. Now he's in rehab. With a sigh, Ingrid said she totally agrees with the comment of Mae West: "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."