Scientists at a Georgia medical college have released study results which indicate banana spider venom contains a molecule which, when injected into a male subject, can cause a prolonged erection that out-performs any erectile dysfunction drug on the market, including Viagra.
The research came about when the scientists heard stories about a man from northern Brazil, who was bitten by a banana spider, became seriously ill, and eventually died. Autopsy reports on the man indicated that one of the side effects of the spider bite was a prolonged erection that did not subside even after death. Eyewitness reports indicate that the undertaker had to strap the man's engorged penis to his leg in order to fit him properly into his coffin.
Researchers, knowing there would be no problem getting Georgia state senators to approve a grant for such an important research project, set about the task of trying to separate the components of the spider's venom to find out what properties it contained to have such an effect on male sexual performance.
Chief research scientist, Dr. Stickett Inner, claims their biggest hurdle was finding a sufficient supply of lab rats with erection problems. The first place the scientists looked was at a lab currently conducting research on the effects cocaine has on the male brain. The lab was happy to give away several of their cocaine-addled rats as they claim the rats were beginning to go all "Charlie Sheen" on the researchers.
Dr. Inner says that a drug from the venom is still a long way off and he cautions men to be patient and not take it upon themselves to go out and get bit by a banana spider in desperation, since the spider's venom is one of the most poisonous in the world.
He did, however, give the men some hope as to an effective drug being manufactured sometime in the future. "I can tell you personally that the drug has exponentially increased the quality of my sex life beyond my wildest dreams." said Dr. Inner, "Unfortunately, it will take many more years of experimentation before I can safely recommend it to other men."