Written by Marcus Laputa
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Saturday, 10 September 2005

image for Hillary Clinton Blamed for Rise in Number of People Smoking

New York - A prominent member of the medical community has claimed that recent increases in the instances of smoking among certain group may be directly attributable to Sen. Hillary Clintons ongoing anti-smoking campaign. Dr. James West, who is a renowned chest surgeon, and who is a co-founder of MAS (Medics Against Smoking), made the claims on back of surveys showing that smoking has increased among 17-22 year olds.

"I think it should be as patently obvious to Sen. Clinton as it is to everybody else that she makes people want to do the opposite of what she tells them to do," said Dr. West. "She must be aware that the more she tells young people to stop smoking, the more it will encourage them to do so. Even her own daughter smokes! Now, what does that tell you?"

Dr. West went on to suggest that the Sen. Clintons anti-smoking stance had more to do with political maneuvering than it had to with a concern with the health of U.S. citizens. "Lung cancer and other smoking related illness account for a large portion of the cases U.S. hospitals have to deal with it. I wish Sen. Clinton would realize the severity of the issue and not use it as a base to further her own political goals."

Although, the main increase in smoking has come in the 17-22 age bracket, Dr. West was able to isolate other groups where there has been an increase. "The surveys have shown that there has been an increase in the amounts of both aging libertarians and aging republicans smoking, but to be perfectly frank, I didn't need the survey to tell me that. I can see that by observing my friends. The thing you have to understand about libertarians and republicans is that they are physically unable to do something somebody like Sen. Clinton orders them too. Sen. Clinton has effectively forced these people to start smoking"

Dr. West went on to say that he sees this of a wider problem of women, who are wives of prominent men, such as Sen. Clinton and Tipper Gore continuously trying to tell other people how to live their lives. "I don't know what causes these women to interfere like this. Maybe they're bored because their lives are too easy, what with all the technology designed to help housewives and the preponderance of crystal meth. Maybe they need to get a real job. But whatever the reason, I can tell you one thing. They're killing our children!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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