Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Topics: Space, Astronomy, Socks

Wednesday, 23 February 2011

image for Lost Socks Found In Cosmic Anomaly
Your lost socks are out there!

Boffins working with deep space telescopes searching for the origins of the universe have made an unexpected discovery - an eddy in the space-time continuum containing millions of socks!

The atronomers believe the discovery solves the ages-old question of where missing socks go when we find we've lost them in the laundry.

Dr Isaac Copernicus, who led the group, enthused: "This is truly epoch-making - and one of those serendipitous moments every scientist dreams of.

"There's a hole in the universe that sweeps up socks and deposits them in this eddy."

Dr Copernicus's group made the discovery after studying a particular patch of the cosmos for several months. Their attention was attracted by strange signals transmitted from a remote corner millions of light years away.

"We had never seen signals like it," he continued. "But after some research we matched the signatures to those of fabrics like wool, cotton, nylon and so on.

"How could there be household fabrics out there?

"As we managed to clean up the signals we began to make out that we were looking at millions of small objects and as more and more background noise was eliminated we could tell they were sock-shaped."

It was then that research student Gemma Quark realised what they'd found. Gemma is working on her PhD in astrophysics after having taken time away from academic studies to raise a family.

Gemma added: "It suddenly hit me. After all those family washes when you find you only have one of a pair of socks. Everyone has this problem - but that's where they go.

"This eddy in the space time continuum sucks up the socks and transports them clear across the universe. Amazing!

"I can't see us getting them back in my lifetime though!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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