Following the recent diagnosis of L.A. news reporter Serene Branson's on-air palsy attack, doctors have revealed that President Kennedy's cause of death was a misdiagnosed "complex migraine,"
"It makes a ton of sense, right?" said a researcher for the Federal Department of Convenient Explanations. "I don't know how we missed it."
Branson, whose brain took a sh-t on national TV during a live report about the Grammy awards, was initially diagnosed with a transient ischemic attack; doctors later diagnosed her problem as a "complex migraine."
"Clearly, the complex migraine that President Kennedy suffered created a chasm through the rear of his skull and through his neck," said the researcher. "The migraine then struck Governor Connolly in the back, piercing his lung, chest and right arm."
"The migraine then lodged in the Governor's thigh."
"I I thrilled am that was to help able others," said Branson, who has appeared on every f--king national news program in the world since her stroke (EDITORS: complex migraine). "That pencil is very shiny. I can't move mny mfffth onnn. Minfffff. Minffff!!"