PHILADELPHIA - NASA's Office of Meteorological Unusual Incidents reported that on Valentine's Day, a huge meteorite almost hit Dover, Delaware but ended up landing in the Atlantic Ocean instead.
Galahad Fenkershill, chief director of NASA's OMUI told the assembled news media that this type of a meteorite described as a category 9 meteorite comes along once in every 17 or 18 million years.
He said that luckily the meteorite, which was scientifically classified with the name Fatty X-1, entered the earth's atmosphere at a location where there was more air pollution than normal.
Fenkershill elaborated by saying that the air in and around Dover was especially polluted on that day due to its proximity to two of the nation's largest cow carcass burning factories which are based in Rio Grande, New Jersey.
Fenkershill, who last year was honored as The Best Chief Director In The Entire World, stated that as soon as the meteorite, which was traveling at an amazing speed of 6,702 miles per hour hit the cow carcass smoke in the earth's atmosphere it was diverted to the east and ended up missing not only Dover, but also totally bypassing New Jersey as well.
A Maryland fisherman who gave his name as Livingston Pocketberry said that he was out fishing on his little boat like he does every Monday morning and suddenly he heard this extremely loud laseresque swishing sound. He looked up in the sky and saw the reddest looking red thing that he had ever seen.
Pocketberry said that he watched it as it splashed down in the Atlantic about 300 yards from where he was fishing. He noticed that as soon as it hit the water, the water started boiling and making weird sounds like he remembers hearing come from his Grandma Bettina Pocketberry's stomach back when she turned 102.
He said that as he got closer he saw that the red thing had knocked the hell out of 2 porpoises, 3 jelly fish, and a school of about 45 tuna fish.
NASA's Galahad Fenkershill stated that if the meteorite had landed on land, the sucker (his word) would have made a crater about 125 feet in diameter and about 15 feet deep.
Fenkershill took out a note pad and pencil, scratched his head, and said that to put it in layman's terms, the friggin hole could have held about 19,000 Canadian Mallard Ducks, or about 800 Shetland Ponies, or 39,000 regular size bowling balls.
Livingston Pocketberry giggled as he remarked that it was the first time that he had ever caught tuna that was already cooked.