A new campaign to encourage sperm donors to come forward and help childless couples to conceive is targeting sports stars in an attempt to increase media exposure.
Donors are not paid, but can claim expenses for tissues, redecoration, cleaning of furniture, enrolment fees for porn sites, treatment for Repetitive Strain Injury etc.
John Terry and Ashley Cole are amongst the first superstars to sign up for the initiative. A spokesman for Chelsea FC said "Both players are delighted to help in any way they can. Although Johnnie is facing a hectic schedule of fixtures at this stage of the season and Ash The Bash is still recuperating from ankle surgery, they are committed to making this scheme work. They have already provided more than 60 samples and will be boosting that figure on a regular basis. Chelsea FC would encourage Premiership players of all girths to make the sacrifice for such a good cause. We're sure most players will find it hard to refuse."
Frank McAvennie has interrupted an After Dinner Speaking Tour of French Equatorial Africa to rush back to Glasgow to make a number of donations. He's also hoping to organise a nationwide Spankathon to help the cause. Rangers midfielder Maurice Edu has also promised to help out and is urging all fellow Yanks who ply their trade in the UK to throw their weight behind the project.
The Sun is to bring out a General Erection special pull out in the near future.
The SFA/SPL and SFL are to form a task force to look into the pros and cons of the scheme and hope to report back no later than January 2020.