Written by anthonyrosania
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Topics: Guitar Hero

Thursday, 10 February 2011

image for REAL Musicians Rejoice: Guitar Hero Is Dead.

Guitar Hero, the video game that made even Spina Bifida victims believe they coud RAWK, has finally been killed by its publisher, Activision*.

And, if Wall Street is correct, Activision may be just as dead.

"Guitar Hero is dead? Dude! I just learned the opening riff for Van Halen's 'Eruption'," said 13-year-old loser Mitch Davids, or, to the other kids in 8th-grade, 'Pizza-face D-ckhead.' "Its, 'red button, red button, red button, yellow button, yellow button, green button."

" Listen, we blew our load here," said Activision CEO Arnold Ctivision. "We invented it, screwed (original developer) Harmonix over, we made a sh-tload of money on 'Guitar Hero', and now we are cashing the f--k out."

"PS," Ctvision continued, "We all just bought Ferraris with our daily 'Call Of Duty' royalty checks."

In addition to Guitar Hero and Call of Duty, Activision has created, overproduced, bled dry and abandoned the Crash Bandicoot, Spider-Man, Spyro the Dragon, Tony Hawk, James Bond and KABOOM! series of games.

"'KABOOM!'? For the Atari 2600? Sh-t, I forgot about that one," said Ctvision, whose oversaw the expansion of Activision subsidiaries Gray Matter Interactive, Bizarre Creations and Red Octane. Wait, sorry. By development, I meant 'bankrupted and liquidated'. "Maybe we can make a Wii version of that."

* Insert lawsuit-repelling generic name, like ActiveGames, or Taco Gong, or something equally generic, here.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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