Written by Gail Farrelly
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Thursday, 10 February 2011

image for Latest Apple iPad Is Just for Babies: It's the bPad!
He wants his bPad.

Does your baby scream like a banshee when you're on the computer trying to get some work done? A nap, bottle, or diaper change may not satisfy little Jack or Janie.

What the baby may want is his or her own computer. Sharing isn't all it's cracked up to be. Apple now offers the bPad, a tablet computer just for babies.

There's a giant touch screen, perfect for little fingers. And it comes with a special babyguard screen protector that automatically repels water, orange juice, milk, spit-up (or worse) -- anything the baby may bombard it with. There are dozens of special apps to meet all your baby's needs: for nursery rhymes, lullabies, Disney movies, Sesame Street reruns, Sly Stallone action flicks, whatever.

Among the first purchasers were some New York City parents already worried about getting their babies admitted to the most prestigious kindergartens in a few years. "You can never start planning too early to educate your kid," said one ecstatic dad who had grabbed up a bPad for his four-month-old daughter. Solemnly agreeing was another purchaser who said that she had bought one for her first child, due any day. "Forget all that layette crap," she said, "the bPad is the thing the kid wouldn't be able to do without."

Actually, though, Apple doesn't recommend this product for very young babies. "Owners should be at least three months old," an Apple spokesperson announced firmly. Insiders have confirmed that what Apple loves most about this product is hooking users at an early age. "These are the consumers of the future," one Apple official said, rubbing his hands in glee, "unlike a lot of Apple customers who are halfway to their graves."

You've come a long way, baby!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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