Astronaut Mark Kelly is expected to announce Friday that he will command the upcoming flight of the space shuttle Endeavour, just a few weeks after his wife, Rep. Gabrielle Giffords, was shot in Arizona during an assassination attempt.
"I am very concerned about my wife's health and safety, and her rehabilitation," said Kelly. "But... Well, you know. It's a space flight, for Chrissakes!"
"Look, I'm not a doctor, what the hell can I do for her here?"
Kelly has spent the days after the shooting at his wife's hospital bedside, but she's become quite a bore, and NASA announced that, out of pity, that it had named Kelly shuttle commander for the Endeavour space mission.
"Hrrr. Grgg. Mmmmpf. *gurgle*," Rep. Giffords stated, when asked for comment about this story.
The Space Shuttle Endeavour will liftoff on April 15th, and is scheduled to explode and disintegrate soon thereafter.