Houston, TX - NASA is reporting today that the Kepler Mission has spotted five gay planets rotating around a distant sun. NASA says the five gay planets are 'poofy' and orbit their sun in a kind of 'circle jerk'. Another, heavier planet was discovered in the same strange solar system. That planet is believed to be a lesbian.
The Kepler Mission was launched in 2006 to look for earth-like planets. A telescope on the mission made the unexpected discover yesterday, much to the surprise of NASA.
"It was a little funny, but not in a bad way." said NASA head honcho Dr. Karl Saygun. "We knew the planets were gay right away, because of the way they were acting."
Dr. Saygun says the planets appeared 'thin' and 'very well-groomed'. It was a dead giveaway that they were gay.
"The five gay planets don't orbit like other planets either, they sort of mince around their sun, so they must be gay. Not that there is anything wrong with it!" he said quickly.
NASA named the five 'poofy' planets Elton, Brucie, Ricky, Timmie and Sebastian.
"There's a sixth planet out there too. A big, fat old dyke of a planet." snickered Dr. Saygun. "We named her Janet, after Janet Reno and Janet Napolitano."