Written by C. Cranium
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Saturday, 29 January 2011

image for Cold Fusion Returns
Lab scientists creating energy from nothing.

Those scientist guys Ferrante and Telcher were famous for a brief moment when they created energy from nothing and called it Cold Fusion.

The world was amazed and anxious for the near future when energy was free. Other scientists however were delighted when a flaw was detected in the Cold Fusion experiment.

Errant quarks from Alpha Centuri easily penetrated the experiment's protective barriers and were detected as extra energy created from nothing. The embarrassed Cold Fusion creators went back to the lab to forget by mixing other chemicals in beakers - gin and tonic.

Fifteen years later the Cold Fusion duo has been vindicated by successfully recreating the experiment that endangered their tenure. The new experiment tediously removes the pesky quarks by re-inhibiting external flow through inverted particle acceleration.

When the quarks are neutralized the remaining particles are super heated which causes small amounts of raw energy to coalesce in polarized test tubes filled with gaseous petroleum algorithms. As the raw energy rises it is captured in digitally altered cores that are added to ceramic clay and fired into cubes.

The energized ceramic cubes are placed in a matrix that can power an electric car, a Segway, golf cart, etc.

The final question for the world to determine is how to leverage the Cold Fusion process that requires the investment of thousands to produce a few cents worth of energy. It is costly to create something from nothing.

Ferrante and Telcher are now working on the refinement of the process to cut costs and predict that the rest will be made a reality for the masses with governmental subsidies.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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