Written by Noddy Bigears
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Topics: Dogs, Science

Wednesday, 24 August 2005

The European league of evil mother-in-laws and mad dogs has given their backing to further animal type experiments on their son-in-laws. However, the British Association for the Advancement of Science (BA) has declared that the intense pain and suffering caused by these vitriolic evil rat bags is a fundamental cause of social decay and suffering and 500 top academics have sign a declaration condemning these experiments.

The top animal experiments used by the professional ‘mad dog' mother-in-laws include total isolation, exclusion and even starvation during holidays or other theoretical festival occasions as well as the occasional bout of food poisoning or even biting the terrified victim.

Signatories to the Declaration to stop animal tests on son-in-laws in Mental Medical Research include three Nobel laureates, 190 Fellows of the Royal Society and the Medical Research College, as well as 250 university professors and in addition, specifically requesting legislation banning the sale or the gift of unpleasant jumpers at Christmas.
Medical statistics demonstrate 50 % of son-in-laws suffer from a wide range of mental and physical illnesses including severe depression, anxiety, panic attacks and black outs. The other 50 % are divorced or unmarried and happily living at a safe distance from these bitter and twisted poisonous snakes.

The British Association for the Advancement of Science has proposed that these evil vile and disgusting animal types should be obliged to take massive doses of tranquility medication and be tagged such that a GPS system could be used to monitor their movements and trigger a personal alarm system alerting the victim to their potential movements or encroachment of their private space. Supermarkets and other public spaces will be obliged to implement mother-in-law free zones as well as declare ‘happy shopping' hours when the exhausted spent victims of these toxic animal attacks can safely spend a few free hours without fear of further aggression.

However, it is likely that the European league of evil mother-in-laws and mad dogs will appeal to the European court on the grounds that these animal experiments benefit the advancement of society and eliminate the weakest male species from any further procreation thus enhancing the future of the human species.

Ironically, the British medical society announced today that voluntary male sterilization has reached an all-time high however, Brian McGavin, of the Royal Society of Prevention of Cruelty to Animals and Son-in-laws (RSPCASIL), told the BBC News website: "This is not the answer, the appeal to the European court does not acknowledge the pain, suffering and distress that animal type experiments cause on son-in-laws, nor does it require or propose any positive actions by the European league of evil mother-in-laws and mad dogs who signed it." He added "it is time that positive action is taken to stop these vile evil disgusting bitter and twisted mentally and physically demeaning experiments for ever in the name of humanity."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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