Written by Inhopeless
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Topics: Crime, Robots, cleaning

Saturday, 29 January 2011

LONDON - At a demonstration in the city's notourious East End, iRobot showcased their new 'bot.

iRobot who also make the Roomba, the self-vacuuming robot for the home, will sell the new Cityba, which can clear up street crime with efficiency and speed.

The Cityba will be sold directly to local authority governments, and already the City of Birmingham has ordered 200 units for the large-scale trial pilot.

"What the Roomba did to your home," said a spokesman, "the Cityba will do to your streets. Not only will it detect and confiscate drugs and contraband, it will also clean up graffiti, catch petty criminals, and leave alleys as good as for picnics."

The device can endure the harsh climates of the urban jungles, and the Cityba can attach itself to any wall or surface, in any plane, including upside-down. It also is made of a thin, flexible, strong material called Metali, and is equipped with a firearm if anyone tries to attack it. It also comes with GPS and photo-sharing for catching offenders.

The unit can also teleport confiscated articles, meaning it has an unlimited storage capacity.

"Each unit only costs £300 ($500)."

The Cityba is also capable of video-recording in 3D, and makes an excellent surveillance unit, and also has a silent mode to aid being undetected.

It can also clean the actual streets as well.

As of press time, iRobot were working on the YouTuba, a plug-in that will automatically make idiotic comments on the popular site turn into plain English.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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