Sebring, Fla. - A new app available for downloading promises to turn an ordinary cell phone camera into an X-Ray machine that can see through clothing. Invented by thirteen year old Randy Cummings from nearby Titusville, the middle school student said he got the idea after spending the day at the beach.
"I was sitting there on the beach last summer while my big brother and his girlfriend were swimming. She had on this white bikini, see, and when she came out of the water it was like she had nothing on. Nothing! Then they disappeared behind this dune for awhile, and then that's where I came up with the idea, why should he have all the fun? So I thought if water makes white cloth nearly invisible, then what if I wrote an app that that rendered all clothing white when viewed through a camera lens, while at the same time skewing the properties of light to make the material appear wet? So, like, that's what I did. Pretty cool, huh?"
The app, which Randy named X-ray ICU, has become hugely popular with both teenagers and adults alike. It also seems to render x-ray versions of old photographs and even modern electronic media, such as television and DVD's.
The app, which Randy claims has been downloaded over seven-teen million times in the first week alone, can turn any cell phone into an x-ray machine for only $7.95.
In a series of related event, the shares of Semitronic Systems, the China company that manufactures the TSA airport scanning machines, fell from a high of $42 last week to 19 cents on Wall Street today. Also Sarah Palin, appearing today before reporters wearing a large cast iron pipe, called the young inventor un-Godly and un-American.
Keith Olbermann, on hearing the news about the pipe wearing Mrs. Palin, promptly declared that she must have something dirty to hide. After which Rush Limbaugh, wearing only a cement septic tank during his web cast radio show, called for Republican Party House investigations of both the young inventor of the x-ray camera and Keith Olbermann's hair stylist.
"I like capitolism as much as the next guy," declared Rush, "but I'll be damned if I"m gonna go through life wearing a 600 gallon cement septic tank."