Thought for years to be a new species of dinosaur but never found fully intact, the full skeletal remains of a male Pariahsaurus were discovered this week in a valley that borders the Wisconsin shores of Lake Michigan.
A very close cousin to the Tyrannosaurus Rex also living in the Cretaceous period, the Pariahsaurus matches the T-Rex for size and overall shape, but with even shorter pointless arms and small rounded over teeth, not much good for hunting. "He's still a meat eater", claims paleontologist Dr. Clive Butterfield-Muffins, "but we think he was a scavenger, cleaning up table scraps after everyone else has finished with the kill. Sad creature, really".
Partial bone fragments thought to be a new specimen were discounted for lack of a skull, often leading to the conclusion that the remains were that of a T-Rex without a head. "We find the Pariahsausus to have a rather soft head and spine, almost as if the species had been literally cast aside and laughed at by the whole dinosaur community, or perhaps mated to a dominating female T-Rex", says Butterfield-Muffins. The rare fossil remains show the same huge head and potential for the same roar as a T-Rex, but without the ability to back any of that up. "No teeth, no arms, soft head and spineless, sort of like a modern day, oddly shaped entertainer without any talent", adds Butterfield-Muffins, "we think a paired male Pariahsaurus, if he could find a mate at all, was relegated to stay in the brush and watch the nest".
Experts believe that the Pariahsaurus is a rare find because few of them traveled in groups or pairs, remaining outcasts and scavengers across the American plains. "Very similar to opinionated comedians and satirical writers who just aren't funny", says Butterfield-Muffins. "Take Dane Cook or Al Franken for example. Please".