PALO ALTO, CA - Google, holder of all data on the internet, will start indexing all data the Earth has to offer.
"First we did websites," said CEO Larry Page, "then we made phones. Now, we'll collect data on everything about the Earth. Here's a new one. Larry Page held an interview with Inhopeless."
This article, even as it is being written, and re-written, will form part of the Google Mass Index.
All data that can be found by all web-enabled and gridded devices (e.g. TV shows are part of a broadcast grid), will be stored information at Google servers across the world.
Phone calls, dreams, words, masses, distances, phrases, relationships, lyrics, and much, much more will be databased.
"We'll even document your very thoughts," said Page, "right now you're thinking, 'what the...', and then 'WOW!' after I said 'what the...'."
Just this very second over 200 exabytes (roughly the equivalent of all music made, ever) have been uploaded.
"By Monday 11am GMT," said Page, "we'd have finished."
Well, all devices will then destroy the Earth, so that new data does not need to be collected again.
As of press time, Google Index had recorded the fact that Publish Story had been pressed.