Written by Nick Hobbs
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Saturday, 8 January 2011

image for Horror: Stalker Caught On Social Network Site
A computer, yesterday, stalker just out of shot...

In a turn of unprecedented events, a would be stalker has been caught and humiliated on social networking site, Faceache.

A young lady, who has refused to be publicly named, except from the 4,569 friends on the website, has installed an 'add on', which tells the user which of their 'friends' looks at their profile, which they themselves have O.K'd, the most.

If you as a 'friend' look at the profile more than once in a day, despite the random and intriguing posts the owner may make, and the photo uploads notwithstanding, you will now be considered a 'stalker'.

The criminal investigation is in progress, so names must be withheld to protect the stupid.

Web-experts are informing Faceache users to act with more care, as many people may be susceptible to this seemingly innocuous course of action.

"If you've been 'be-friended' by a personage on Faceache, or indeed any other social net-working site, the last thing you expect to receive, after looking at their profile, is a harsh e-mail telling you you're a stalker," said Penny Fuque, spokeswoman for 'Fuck You I Won't Do What You Tell Me', the campaign group responsible for getting Rage Against The Machine to number one, the year before last.

"They added you as a friend, fer fuck sake! Why are you now a 'stalker' just for looking at the profile, wankers!" she finished.

The stalker was arrested at his home after police traced his I.P address. Seventeen robberies, and a rape, were committed during the raid on the computer based 'nosey-neighbour'. Police spokesman, Bobby Titwank, says "cyber-crime is our number one priority. If you have friends on Faceache, or know someone that does, make them aware."

"We will not tolerate someone looking at a profile that they have been granted full access to, without 'outing' them as the predatory pervert that they obviously are. Stalkers, you have been warned!" he finished.

We couldn't agree more.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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