A new, mystery illness that has been reported in the Northern Ugandan "cities" of Kitgum, Abim and Agago has killed at least 38 people, and scientists still don't know what it is.
"Preliminary tests had ruled out ebola, typhoid and several other diseases," said Dr. Ryan White of the Jm J. Bullock AIDS Research Society. We're calling it 'Extra-Strength AIDS.'"
Patients complain of a severe headache and dizziness, which eventually give way to diarrhea, vomiting, a newfound love of Queen, and death.
Ugandan health officials are reluctant to speak about the new disease, resentful of the world's negative opinion about the area.
AIDS originated in Uganda when live polio vaccines prepared in chimpanzee tissue cultures were administered to up to one million Ugandans between 1957 and 1960 in experimental mass vaccination campaigns.
"Wow, I was not aware of that," said Dr. White. "I always thought it was created when some Hiatian f--ked a monkey."