Written by anthonyrosania
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Topics: moon, Lunar Eclipse

Tuesday, 21 December 2010

image for President Obama: The Moon Turned Red! Flee! Flee!
"Ha, ha. Very funny, guys. This is not made of cheese."

Astrophysicists, astrologers and other planet-looker-aters have fallen to their knees, shaking fists of rage at the sky, damning it for painting the moon blood-red last evening, an obvious side of our impending doom.

However, some 'I'm too f--king smart to do manual labor' types say that this may be inaccurate.

"Typically, the phases of the Moon are caused by the Moon going into the earth's shadow," said a scientician. "This causes the usually-stationary planet to rotate slightly, angering the Gods.

"This only occurs when light leaks over to the side usually in perpetual darkness, because the Moon has no gravity to pull the light to its surface," said NASA's Dirk Kaderka, the space shuttle Challenger's Director of Well-Fastened Insulation and Uneventful Re-Entry. "It has nothing to do with Chandra, the Moon Goddess. Not that she isn't strong and wise and benevolent. All hail Moon Goddess Chandra!"

"The moon' orbital period or sidereal period is 27.321582 days, or 27 days 7 hours 43.1 minutes, while the time the moon takes to complete a cycle of phases, is its synodic period, 29 days 12 hours 44 minutes and 2.9 seconds, give or take, which raises the discrepancy because, as the moon revolves around the Earth, the Earth is also revolving around the sun, because, in one orbital period of the moon (27 1/3 days), the Earth has moved about 27 degrees in its orbit around the sun, while the moon has completed one orbit of Earth, it is no longer in the same phase orientation, thus it will take the moon an extra 2 1/6 days of orbital motion until it has aligned itself in the same manner to be able to repeat the same phase, of course, and therefore, a lunar phase period equals 27 1/3 days, plus 2 1/6 days, or about 29 1/2 days, on the average, which means, rather than compromising between these two periods as most heathens continue to do, it is better to emphasize the lunar phase period of 29 1/2 days, because it is what we observe in the sky as we watch the moon cycling through its phases, which is why the word month is derived directly from the phase period, thus the phase cycle of the moon represented the first calendric systems used by early humans and it is also the most important time interval regulating eclipses, so that solar eclipses can only occur when the moon is new, while lunar eclipses can only happen at the time of a full moon, which means that yesterday's event was nothing more than a full lunar eclipse," said a pagan, who clearly must be killed for his heresy. Now.

"The Moon Turned Red!" retorted President Barack Obama. "Flee! Flee!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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