Scientists have called on the government to allocate 'special funds' towards new research after a previously-unknown microscopic organism was discovered under the bed of a 9-year-old boy in Stoke-on-Trent at the weekend.
The organism, which is unlike anything else ever seen in Stoke, can be seen to the right of this drivel, its appearance closely-resembling a library picture of what DNA looks like under a microscope.
The organism was found by 46-year-old mum, Karen Low-Cal, who has made several other astonishing discoveries under her son's bed of late, including the living body of American literarist Ambrose Bierce, who went missing in 1908, and who had been feared dead.
Mrs Low-Cal's son, Child C, has 'learning difficulties', and anti-social issues. Said Karen:
"The organism, or whatever you call it, was creeping about under our C's bed," laughed Karen, adding "I thought it was one of those centigrades - you know, the ones with a thousand legs!"
The organism was removed from the bedroom and placed in Karen's fridge, next to some rotten eggs that have been there since June. She said:
"They're small, these orgasms, aren't they?"