Written by Mark Lowton
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Topics: Alcohol, Disabled

Sunday, 14 September 2003

image for Helping hand for the disabled drinker
Stephen Hawking : A funder of the research

Researchers at Lancaster University, England, have invented something to assist the more disabled wheelchair bound person in consuming beverages from their chair.

The design spec. was specifically to allow the consumation of alcoholoic beverages by extremely disabled wheelchair users, who are otherwise unable to physically hold their own drink.

"It's like a cup-holder in a car, except fitted to a wheelchair." Said the scheme's brain-child, Dr. A. Pitt. "The design is universal, it can be fitted to any chair, wheeled or otherwise. Hell, it could irradicate the need for tables."

Many have expressed their concern about the effects of alcohol on the disabled mind. "I just won't feel safe when I'm dancing in a club anymore. What if one of these disabled people rams me? They could break both my leg in a blink of an eye. Damnit, I could be crushed to death underneath their wheelchair. It's like legalised indoor drinking and driving!"

The research is still ongoing, but the product should be available to buy in the near future.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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