Irregular TheSpoof.com donor, CrepeSalivator, has confessed that he has "absolutely no clue" how the POINTS SYSTEM works on the website.
"Somehow I managed to get approximately two-million points during a three-year stretch when I was distracted. Now I'm lucky if I get 300 points in a day -- and I'm writing three times as much material. At this rate it will take me eighteen years or more to get another two-million. Did I win the lottery while I was not paying attention?" he rhetorically asked.
And then continued, "I just want to ensure my record is in good standing. I called the customer service desk a number of times, and the receptionist was very polite but could never answer my questions. So I was repeatedly placed on hold and then transferred to the Points Department Manager, Mr. Phil Mein. No joy there, however. But I did get to listen to some soothing music. Kenny G. is my favorite."
While he waits to hear back from written correspondence to Spoof Headquarters, His Holey-ness (pictured above) has no illusions that his case will be dealt with seriously or in a timely manner.
"Oh, and another thing," he droned on, "many of my stories keep hitting 200 views and then stopping. Maybe there is some funny business going on there as well..."