Written by Hawking's Chair
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Topics: Microsoft, Windows

Wednesday, 8 December 2010

image for Microsoft™ to Produce Windows
Now even windows will carry a trade mark.

Software company Microsoft™ has decided to go into hardware business to produce what it has been producing all along: the windows. Only this time they will be hard, and the transition from soft to hard has nothing to do with Viagra™.

"This is more brilliant than even Phone 7™!" rejoices Chris Crash, Chief of Microsoft™'s Product Development and Testing Department. "People are already familiar with our Windows™ operating system (Oh Yes). Now we can crash - I mean cash - in on that brand name by making actual windows."

With decades of expertise in crashing, Microsoft™ windows will need regular replacement, which could only boost the sales. Microsoft™ is now in the process of getting a trademark registered for the non-capitalized words window and windows.

Market analysts, however, are not sure if the product will fly. "The housing market is still down in the US and elsewhere and the construction industry is still licking its wounds after the economic collapse," said one observer. "I don't think people will be needing a lot of windows in the foreseeable future." Either way, it looks like a crash ahead for the big company.

Consumers who have used Microsoft™ products earlier also pooh-pooh the idea. One disgruntled consumer, a former user of Windows™, who now uses one of the Linux Oh Yesyes, which according to her, even drives her car, said, "If they want to get into hardware, they'd better stick their a@$es™ to gates or crash-test dummies." Whether she meant Gates with capital G or gates with small g could not be confirmed, but the sentiment was understandable since gate-crashing would seem more tolerable than window-crashing.

Despite the negative opinions, pirated copies of windows are already out for sale. "Screw the windows!" one Somali pirate was heard shouting. Apparently, he and his team of carpenters were fixing the pirated window into the hole in the wall.

Some other legitimate windows manufacturers have decided to take the challenge head on. Fearing the Microsoft onslaught on the market once its products are out, these firms have changed the names of their products. A few have made word play on the theme with such names as Hard Crash and Had Crashed, just to confuse customers.

But the stiffest competition is expected from a new company called TM™. The TM™ will be bringing out its own window under the brand name Trade Mark™. Market analysts are waiting with baited breath to see when and how the trade war erupts and which windows crash first.

Microsoft™'s Chris Crash is not worried. And for one simple reason, he says. "We found that when our Windows™ Oh Yes crashed over and over again, people moved to other Oh Yesyes, like Ubuntu and Puppy Linux, the free horses in the Linux stable. That's why we decided to go into hardware. When a window crashes, what do you do? You get a new window! Not Ubuntu or Trade Mark™!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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