A critical breakthrough has been made in efforts to save the giant panda, one that could kick-start attempts to reintroduce the animals to the wild.
For many years, people have tried to get giant pandas to breed in captivity, but with little success. Everything from Viagra, sexy panda-lingerie and even porn videos have been tried, but with little success.
However, it turns out that previous attempts had failed because they were using the wrong sort of porn. Professor Ching Chong of the University of Wang explained.
"You see, pandas are sick and perverted. And I mean REALLY perverted. In earlier attempts we were showing them regular panda-on-panda action, but that didn't get them in the mood. So we decided to try for the more hardcore stuff."
"Of course, you can't buy sick hardcore panda porn anywhere - not even on the internet. At least you couldn't before we made some. Some of the students at the University dressed up in panda costumes and we videotaped them doing everything from gangbangs and triple-anal to bukkake and bondage. As soon as the pandas got a look at it, they started breeding like rabbits."
"And I can tell you, it's not easy to get stains out of a panda costume."
Mr Chong's video "Slutty Pandas" is out now at all reputable internet video stores.