Written by P.M. Wortham
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Thursday, 2 December 2010

image for Aliens on Arsenic; A New Standard for Life in the Universe
miniature cultures of bacteria in arsenic

Really, totally, and unequivocally excited about their recent bacterium discovery in an arsenic pool in California, biologists and astrologers were quick to hypothesize the existence of life (in other forms) across the universe.

Though most all life forms on Earth are carbon based and require a component of Phosphorous, the newly found bacteria are unique in that regard, based completely on a different chemical structure. "This gives us hope that there are many, many ways that life can be supported across our universe", says chief research geek and perpetual virgin, Dr. Harold Palms.

Astrologers confirm that many planets in other galaxies, may indeed be surrounded by gasses and chemical compounds that would be fatal to us, but completely inert to a life form based on those same compounds. Based on this most recent discovery, life can clearly exist in completely toxic environments.

"Think of it. Someday we could meet alien women who look like us in every way, but based on completely different chemical compounds. I love the fact that opposites attract", snickered Palms. A colleague was seen leaning over towards Palms to mention that contact with Arsenic would of course, be fatal to humans. Palms was heard quietly responding, "OK, OK. No swapping body fluids. I'd wear a condom. Problem solved".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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