Written by P.M. Wortham
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Monday, 29 November 2010

image for Most Elderly Think Social Networking is a Bedroom Activity
C'mon Edna, Papa's got a brand new Flagpole and it's time for "Sexting"

Interviewed by Modern Lifestyle Magazine for their "Decade in Review" edition, it was found that most people over the age of 70 think that social networking, and specifically social networking tools are "unmentionable" things that happen in the bedroom.

While difficult to find anyone used in the study that was wasn't embarrassed to talk about their responses, one "hip grandpa", as he liked to call himself, did agree to an interview. "I don't see what the bid deal is", says Myron Popney from Tuscaloosa, Alabama, "So we don't know all the cool jargon these days, so what, we still know how to whoop it up under the sheets".

Recalling his responses to the questionnaire, Popney helped to shed some light on what misconceptions might be common among people in his own age demographic. Included in the list of questions were social networking tools:

Twitter: "That's something my wife likes me to do with my tongue, provided she's not smelling like day-old Tilapia"

Ping: "That's the sound the headboard makes when I try to wake up little Myron by whacking it against the bedpost".

Facebook: "Another thing the Mrs. Likes me do, bury my face up in there and read a little poetry. She even doesn't mind me talking sports for that matter, especially if I'm recounting the sound effects from the offshore boat races".

Chat: "Something we used to do after sex. Now we just, Roll Over".

Blog: "That usually prevents one of us from being in the mood and requires considerable amounts of laxative to solve the problem".

Sexting: "Well I still like sexting her and she still likes sexting me I think, but that only happens a few times each year, and usually after we go out for oysters and espresso".

While wrapping up the interview, the topic of posting came up when the reporter mentioned that he needed to post his story before day's deadline. "I know how you feel", said Popney, "After I take that blue pill, I only have a few hours to use my post before that deadline".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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