Written by Inhopeless
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Topics: Research, Stem Cells

Tuesday, 16 November 2010

image for American Right-Wingers and Fundamentals Decry Britain's Stem Cell Research
Stell cells to save your mind? Well, It'd save the Republicans', but there's nothing there.

GLASGOW, SCOT. & WASHINGTON, D.C. - Today, UK scientists conducted a stem cell trial. However, the Bible Belt aren't happy.

Scientists are looking to discover the success rates of stem cells in patients, and today they, without too much controversy from the UK public, inserted some in a stroke patient in Glasgow.

However, the Bible Belt, and many right-wingers in Congress have spoken out against the 'heathen' voodoo commited by the doctors and researchers.

How they found out is a mystery, as the government cut off internet access to the Belt, on pretext of large-scale cable 'fixing'.

However, spotting our journalist, who then sighed, they talked amiably at him.

"Tell your British media this," said one Tea Partier, "your medicine is against the word of the lord!"

Our reporter, who got a 'B' in GCSE Religious Studies, decided not to point out that man is allowed to further his advancement of care for his fellows as set out in the Bible, on fear of being burnt at the stake.

However, the stupidity has spread to those in the Senate.

Obama's science team has requested funding for stem cell research, to work with thier British counterparts, however the lousy Republicans are not letting the bill pass.

"FIRST, STEM CELLS!" shouted an idiot senator for a state with the IQ of my computer keyboard, "NEXT, ENROACHMENT ON OUR RIGHTS SET DOWN IN THE CONSTITUTION DETAILING THIS AS A NATION OF GOD!" Our reporter, shaking his head, knew that the constitution makes no reference to America being a nation of God, and in fact, declares the state to be seperate from the church.

"I'm sure the Republicans are trying to murder its country," commented a political reporter in our New York Offices (Okay, my cousin's house). "First they are against having healthcare for all, which will in turn improve work sick-leave, and then stir up economic recovery. And treating those with certain conditions is set to get shit expensive without stem cell research, due to an ageing population." He sighed. "They only think about thier own people, not everyone's people. I tell you, the lib-fucking-rals have got the right idea."

Our reporter, although a liberal himself, would like to genocidally kill all those in the Bible Belt. I'm sure many would agree with him.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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