WASHINGTON D.C., BRUSSELS - The European Space Agency (ESA) and the US NASA have decided that they will extent Earth's orbit by 20 million kilometres, killing several metaphorical birds with one hypothetical stone.
A joint venture between the EU and the USA means that a giant tube-thingy will blast with enough force to drive the Earth out of its natural orbit 20 million kilometres. Let's say thats a hell of a lot in miles.
An ESA spokesman said this in a conference: "At the G20, they wanted to revive the world economy and stop global warming. Well, if we were to push the Earth further out from the Sun, we would gain approximately 20.4 days, means the year will increase from 365.6 days to 386 days. This wil mean that people will work for 40 more days." He smiled smugly.
"Also, we wil make the Earth slightly less warmer, so we've slowed down global warming to 1960 levels. This gives us the equivalent of 40 years to come up with newer ways to solve the problem once and for all."
What does this mean for the average man on the street?
"Well," said Mark Steele. "Yes! More Saturday fun for me!"
When told he still might have to work a little longer, "Oh right. I get a bit more money this year then."
As of press time, people have been asked to give all their metallic objects. Oh man, ther goes my watch.