Written by Ellis Ian Fields

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Topics: flies

Thursday, 11 November 2010

image for Flies - "Just Disgusting And Stupid"

Scientists have finally come up with the answer to the question that bugs householders every summer...

Why can't flies get out of the window?

As everyone knows, in the height of summer, flies and bluebottles can get into your home through the narrowest of open windows, but despite all their angry buzzing around they can't find their way out.

Prof Theakston O. Peculier, head of Yucky Bugs at the University of Thames Valley East, explained that the puzzle baffling everyone is this: an open window from the outside is quite small, relative to all of outside, yet the same window, relative to a house interior, is, conversely, relatively large.

Why, then, can't an angry, buzzing bluebottle find its way through what is a larger opening?

"Well," he explained, "we observed thousands of flies and bluebottles over the last three summers and we have finished collating the results.

"It seems that they are just disgusting and stupid. They are disgusting because they land on excrement and then on our food."

As for the intelligence side of the equation, they are - as Prof Peculier explained, scientifically - thick... thick as the stuff they like to land on.

"When Mother Nature was handing out the grey matter, she didn't have any left for these chaps. No sir... dumb, dumbety dumb dumb is what a fly is.

"They can't get out. They're stupid. Just splat the bastards."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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