Space - (Nitrous Oxide Mess): Two massive purple balls of lactic space gas have been discovered straddling the Milky Way.
British Gas astronomers immediately hiked up the nation's domestic tariffs to stave off untoward competition from the cosmic giants.
In a tersely worded statement the energy company also warned prospecting global supermajors the huge find 'could be deadly poison anomalies' of the sort used by the Nazis.
The space phenomenon measures 50,000 light years across and stretches from the constellation Virgo all the way to Gassiopeia.
Data gleaned from NASA's Fermi Gamma-Ray Telescope suggests a giant vacuum cleaner-type suction pipe 'could be attached' to the gassy array - and then liquefied at -210 degrees for easy transportation back home to earth.
Exxon-Mobil's Rex Tillerson is daft as a brush.