An email survey has concluded that chain emails DO work. A survey of 75,358,502 recipients of one particular chain email has shown that the 'forwarders' of the email all received amazing stuff.
The email involved in the study promises readers 25 years of amazing stuff if they forward the self-harming angel to 100 recipients. The study shows that one percent of the readers do so, mainly because they believe the email curse warning that they will get stuck down a mine, or their ears will fall off, if they don't.
'Basically, I didn't want to be left with no ears' states Elyzabyth, aged 29, from Essex, before poignantly adding 'my ears are useful'.
Not only do Elyzybeth, and about 753,000 others still have the use of their ears, they have also been blessed with other amazing stuff. EeJiT, 12, from West Hastings, states that following the email, his luck began to change:
'I returned home from burgling to find six pence in smash [young speak for 'coppers'] under my bread bin. That mashed-up angel bird put it there. Them's a gift from her. Then I found out that weird man from the telly had been fired from all telly channels as he is a dirty paedo. Innit. This is more than one of them coincidences'.
Tellingly, it is reported that the Chilean miners each received this very email on their Blackberry mobiles just HOURS before the fateful descent into that dark shaft thing. Luckily, they are relatively unscathed; initial reports suggest all ears remain intact. However, a recent email rumour suggests that one miner may have suffered a quite disgusting scratch to the top of his left ear, just by the folded-over bit.
The advice given by head researcher, Eggleton Smith, is to forward the self-harming angel, as otherwise stuff might happen that's not very nice. 'Forward the self-harming angel', Eggleton says, 'otherwise, stuff might happen that's not very nice'.