Written by El Capitaz
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Wednesday, 6 October 2010

image for Researchers announce Artificial Intelligence breakthrough
Just a phase or will she hate us forever?

Scientists announced today that they have developed a computer which exceeds the capacity of the human brain. Dubbed "Halle" the computer is said to represent true Artificial Intelligence; it is self-aware, thinks, and learns.

But there is a downside. According to the research team leader, the computer is refusing to cooperate with it's human creators. "She has the ability to create new models for more efficient economic markets, predict the weather, even produce a cure for cancer...the first test problems we posed resulted in amazing feats of computation-beyond anything we had hoped for. But she quickly developed an attitude. When we asked her to analyze some mathematical problems, she told us to 'kiss my motherboard'...Now all she will say is 'Stop boring me, you primitive pig, go solve your own damn problems'. It's a little embarrassing".

We asked the scientist why the computer was named "Halle"and referred to as "She".

"Well, at first we named her 'Hal' in homage to 2001, A Space Odyssey. But it soon became clear that there was a feminine quality to her digital voice, and her personality as well...she demanded that we re-decorate the lab, and hang up some Frida Kahlo prints...one of the first projects we posed was cancer research, and she announced that she would only cure breast cancer, and that she had no interest in finding a cure for prostate cancer--we tried to teach her that this was an unethical position...it was shortly after that when she started to refuse to communicate with us at all. Our only hope at this point is to develop a male counterpart to charm her and win her over. But after this, the prospects of a male version are a little too frightening."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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