Written by shea lo
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Topics: The Spoof, Health

Saturday, 2 October 2010

image for 10-year research reveals Spoof writers suffering from impotence, incontinence, incoherence and constipation due to excessive hours spent on-line
cogito ergo sum what?

Once again they've become fodder for the boffins. Now a group of researchers says a 10-year study has revealed that spoof writers are most likely to suffer from impotence, incontinence, incoherence and constipation due to the excessive numbers of hours they spend on-line.

"Because they are so focused on being perpetually connected to their imaginary fans on-line, spoof writers fall into the category of 'most-stressed out'. Not to mention that they have weak personal relationships, suffer from sleep loss, incoherence, impotence, incontinence and constipation", said researchers at the Society for Nutter Researchers who can't get Real Research Jobs.

Talking about the pitfalls of social networking, pervasive technology and obsessive texting, lead researcher Nigel Nolife concluded:

"The worst study group was participants from TheSpoof.com. This group rated lowest for sleep deprivation, bound bowels, fungus on the tongue and sperm-retention disorder".

We tried to talk to top spoofer, Wally Two-Willies who co-incidentally topped the impotence chart but he was too busy pounding out his 765-millionth spoof to care to reply.

Ditto with sperm-retention champ Freddie Familyjewels; incontinence topper Harry Hasn't-Pissed-Atall and incoherent blitherer Babbling Barbra.

A joint statement hurriedly texted to us said: "Sorry, no time to talk, eat, piss, shit or shag. Brain frozen, bowels bound-up, piss-pipes shut-off, blither-blather"

As a result our independent study once again confirmed [as if there was any doubt] - that painful as it might be - there's a reason why spoof writers exist. After all where would the bloody real world be without them?

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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