REDMOND WA (AP) A freak accident last night resulted in serious injuries to Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates. According to a fire department spokesman, "Mr. Gates was found slumped over an Apple Macintosh PowerBook. The laptop was in flames. It appears that Gates had tried to pound the PowerBook with his fists, but the fire got to him before he could bring it under control."
For several days the computer industry had been rocked by news of Apple recalling thousands of PowerBook batteries because of a potential fire hazard. But this morning, everyone is asking the same question: "What in the world was Bill Gates doing with a PowerBook?"
Spoof reporter Morgan Truce found Melinda Gates in the hospital waiting room. "Melinda, can you tell us why your husband was using a PowerBook?"
"Well, this is just an awful time for you to bring that up," said Ms. Gates. "As you know, Bill is totally committed to the Windows platform, but over the years he became very frustrated with how many problems he encountered with Windows - all those crashes and bugs. A few years ago he decided to give that cute little PowerBook a try. Since his chief rival, Apple Computer, makes the PowerBook Bill knew that he had to keep the whole thing a big secret. He made a point of using the PowerBook only while in his office with the door locked and the window drapes pulled shut. Bill told me that the machine was simply wonderful! He was able to get all of his computing done in one third the amount of time it took him with a PC. It was very embarrassing… and now this had to happen. What will everyone say when they find out Bill Gates switched?"
Recovering after surgery, Bill Gates asked to make a statement to the press: "I know what everyone in the computer industry must be thinking… although I am a bit annoyed that the battery started a fire and I got burned over 30% of my body, I guess it's high time that I told everyone that I am simply addicted to Mac OSX. I just love those Apple computers! Not only do I use a PowerBook in my office, I have three iMacs at home. I just love those machines, but I have to admit that I am completely blown away by that little iPod… I carry it all the time in my shirt pocket. Even during Microsoft board meetings, I have that iPod delivering Aerosmith tunes into my earpiece."
In related news on Wall Street, shares of Microsoft plummeted, while Apple Computer shares rose 40%. Industry experts are amazed that Apple has managed to turn a big recall of batteries into a huge sales bonanza for the company. Even diehard PC fanatics are now making the switch over to Macintosh.