Internet slowdowns, Twitter technical problems, Facebook glitches. ENOUGH! The U. S. has decided to replace the Internet and all its trappings with something more efficient -- Pony Express, a fabulous 19th century U. S. communication system.
Even Al Gore is in favor, telling a spoof reporter, "When I invented the Internet, I just didn't foresee all these problems. Time to move on. Uh . . . make that time to move back."
Political commentator Glenn Beck is onboard, arguing, "It's what the Founding Fathers would want at this point." President Obama is delighted, summing up the value to the economy. "Any able-bodied person who doesn't have a job will be offered one as a pony rider. Those unable or unwilling to ride will be given jobs taking care of the ponies. Unemployment? A thing of the past."
U. S. ponies, for their part, are ecstatic. A whole new career opportunity. They've set up some ground rules though. No stalking, choosing favorites, or making lists of special friends. "We are all equal, this is an equal opportunity workplace," stated Patti Pony, just elected to the post of head of the Pony Express union, which is growing at an exponential rate.
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi supported the legislation creating the Pony Express, saying it was her special gift to the American people in honor of her 70th birthday.
TV personality Bill O'Reilly was the only one to speak out against the new Pony Express. "It's a creation of far-left loons who've been drinking too much Kool-Aid," he announced. "It's not a plus for The Folks at all."