In an exclusive interview with TheSpoof.com, steam guru, Mr. Fred Dibnah, has revealed his latest contraption, the worlds first steam powered sex-toy.
"It just came to me one evening," began the dirty steam dog, "I were watchin' a video of a pumpin' station goin' full pelt and saw the dirty-great-big pistons goin' up and down like, y'know. Anyroad, this got me thinkin' like as I saw t' grease and wotnot drippin' from t'hole that t'piston were flyin' into, an thought back to me days as a lad round t'back of t'coal sheds at Waterworks wi' this lass called Mary Beamish."
Just a few thought processes further, and good old Fred was out in his yard the day after, pencil behind his ear, paper in his hand, and steam on the agenda.
His feat of engineering is not for the weak hearted by any strech of the imagination. Created from recycled victorian cast iron, his beautiful monstrosity provides the user with 14hp of sexual pleasure, the equivalent 23 lusty rugby-playing latino-lovers going down on you simultaneously.
"It'll make any steamy encounter a literal encounter wi' steam." Proclaimed Fred. "My market is the wives of dart-players. I've studied 'em on telly like, they're ruff lasses I tell ya, I'm sure me contraption'll satisfy 'em when their husbands are playin' away from home."
We can expect Fred's machine to be available in high-street stores after he gets the all-clear from the British Standards authority.